In the Beginning -- Four Years Out

Four years ago I had lost my voice.  Literally.

How does a psych patient get help without a voice?  Too many times shamed into silence, when I quit my therapist I went to a Chinese Practitioner who did energy work, so I wouldn't have to speak.  When I had no choice but to find a new psychiatrist, I had to whisper.

How does a preacher preach without a voice?  Too long in the dark night, I had nothing to say.  When the pension fund required I not work at all for a year as a condition of disability, it was a relief.

How does a writer write when the words disappear?  Again I had no choice but to return to the Chemistry Experiment, this time with Lamictal. -- They tell you all about this exceedingly rare rash.  Sure it could kill you.  But you just stop taking the med, the rash goes away.  Meanwhile, they forget to mention the very common side effect -- your words disappear.  I didn't complete a sentence for months, forgetting in the middle what I intended to say.  Four books languished on my laptop.

Prozac Monologues

But I am a psych patient.  I am a preacher.  I am a writer.  I need my voice.  Enter

You don't know how long it takes to write a sentence.  I publish almost every week, but you may not notice how often I punt.  In one of the internet's ironies, the 6th most frequently viewed post - out of 211 - is one such punt, The Termites Ate My Blogpost.  In one of the internet's inanities, having provided a link, I probably have increased traffic to that punt.

No matter.  You keep reading.  I keep squeezing these posts out, and you keep reading.  Occasionally, you even tell me that you do!  I am glad to know that you are learning, reflecting and thinking along with me, laughing, getting mad, being intrigued - what a world, what a brain, what a wonder.

It has been four years today.  211 published posts, 66,756 page views, 280 comments (at the moment I hit "publish" on this post).  Not enough ad revenue for anyone to cut me a check yet.  Oh well.  One post at a time, one comment to keep me going -- okay, a blog plus, detox from the Chemistry Experiment, Dr. Wahl's diet, and every other recovery trick in the book, I am getting my brain back, including my words, my precious words.

In the beginning, after all, was the Word...

I begin to believe the original Prozac Monologues, the book may yet rise from the ashes.  In four years, it has gained a companion.  It will be Prozac Monologues - With Heckler!

Now for old times sake, here is where it began, April 5, 2009 --

In the Beginning

In the beginning I went to my doctor for a med check. I had been on Prozac for three months. I was anxious and agitated, irritable, couldn't concentrate and couldn't sleep. I thought I needed a higher dose.

I was wrong. 

As I walked in the door, I had a thought. It was more intrusive than a fantasy, and less welcome. Never mind for now what it was, but it involved a nail file... I didn't tell my doctor about this thought. I just got my higher dose.

That is when things started to get really bizarre. 

The Birth Of Prozac Monologues 

A short while later, while coming off Prozac, I tried to imagine how I could tell people about what it was like to have to come off Prozac. The only medium that seemed appropriate was the stand-up comedy routine.

And that was the birth of Prozac Monologues, with its first chapter, Bizarre.

Someday, Prozac Monologues will be available to the purchasing public. For now, come here to find out about depression and its treatment, drugs and research, the brain and its wonders.

Welcome -- Willa

In the Beginning reformatted 11/26/10 

Four years later, to my readers, to my friends -- Thank you.

photo of shadow by Cornova, used under Creative Commons license
flair from
photo of Prozac modified from original by Tom Varco, used under Creative Commons license


  1. Keep writing, Willa. You have a unique voice to put to an important experience. Don't be silent!

  2. tracy.rose@healthline.comApril 9, 2013 at 1:10 PM

    Hi Willa,

    Healthline is interested in contributing a guest post to We would be open to contributing any blog that would be of interest to your readers. Healthline bloggers have been featured on a variety of sites including:

    Washington Times:
    Natural News:

    Please let me know if you have any questions. Thank you in advance for your consideration.

    Warm Regards,

  3. tracy.rose@healthline.comNovember 21, 2013 at 2:54 PM

    Hi Willa,

    Healthline recently kicked off its third annual "Best Health Blog of 2013" contest & our editors have nominated Prozac Monologues. You can find your blog at by searching or sorting alphabetically.

    We encourage you to promote the contest amongst your readers & friends. The blog with the most votes on January 20, 2014 at 11:59 pm will win $1000, 2nd place wins $100 and 3rd place nabs $50.

    Starting tomorrow, you can also add a 'vote for me' badge to your site by going to:, and clicking 'embed.'

    Please let me know if you have any questions.

    Warm Regards,


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