Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts

Getting My Brain Back -- I'm Still Excited by BDNF

Learning has been fundamental to my mental health recovery. It started with this blog itself. I wanted to know What the hell happened to my brain?!!! So I read the research and used ProzacMonologues.com to keep track of my notes.

For a while I added piano to my recovery regimen. Not for music therapy, but for brain development. Okay, I didn't keep at it. I can sort of play Desperado. But it did get me a few more miles down the road.

Lately I am learning a new language. Five minutes a day of Irish on Duolingo -- I don't expect to be fluent any time this decade. I don't need to be fluent. For those five minutes a day, I am building my brain.

Which is always a good thing.

I did a search in my blog for BDNF. And found something I wrote in 2011, right after I wrote that review of Ellen Frank's Treating Bipolar Disorder. Now you, kind reader, have no idea the struggle it took back then to write these paragraphs. I am proud of it both for the accomplishment and for the content itself. I present it to you again:

Getting My Brain Back -- In Praise of BDNF


Interpersonal Social Rhythms Therapy: Good, Bad, and Ugly (Mostly Good)

Following #bipolar on Twitter for the last few years, I am often dismayed. So many people seem to spend so much time struggling with their medications and so little time focused on anything else that could help.

Don't get me wrong. Medication is an important tool for managing bipolar disorder. But it can't do the whole job. Education and life style changes are crucial for getting off the roller coaster of constant med adjustments to address the episode du jour.

I decided it was time to revisit my 2011 review of Ellen Frank's Treating Bipolar DisorderIt was a four-part review. The last three posts describe the treatment itself, Interpersonal Social Rhythms Therapy, IPSRT.

Part I laid the educational foundation, describing the relationship between circadian rhythms (our interior physiological clocks) and mood disorders.

Part II outlined Frank's Social Zeitgeber Theory and the treatment that proceeds logically from it, a process of establishing regular daily rhythms that set our interior clocks and keep them running on time. (Zeitgeber means timekeeper.)

Part III explained how work on interpersonal issues helps people reduce stressors and prevent disruptions to their social rhythms.

This last post will pull together my appreciation, my reservations and my hopes for future directions.

Social Zeitgeber Theory


How Far Have You Come? A Review of Trauma and Recovery

Judith Herman wrote the definitive work on Trauma and Recovery in her book by that title, with the subtitle: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. You haven't heard from me in a month while I have been living with this book, preparing a presentation on the trauma of suicidal ideation.

It was a trip, that presentation, taking me through the dark corners of my life in the last fifteen years. With Herman as my guide, I also traveled through the progress I have made, considerable progress.

[It's still possible to register for The Healing Conference, now with two for one pricing. Recordings of the presentations will be available through 2021.]


The first half of the book begins the history of the concept, beginning with what was called shell shock in World War I through to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD in Viet Nam, along the way picking up other traumas, sexual violence and captivity.

Want a Sneak Peak to the Healing Trauma Conference?

The third annual Healing Trauma Conference: Come to the Table: Nourish your Body, Mind, and Spirit, Because No One Heals Alone takes place April 30-May 2, sponsored by Haelan House of Bend, OR -- Healing the Root Causes and Effects of Trauma.


My bit is Sunday morning's keynote address:

Suicidal Thoughts as Trauma:

Taking Charge of My Own Recovery.

Description: Trauma can be both the cause and the consequence of suicidal thoughts. Suicidal ideation is considered a symptom of a mental illness. The mental illness model (what's wrong with you? instead of what happened to you?) suggests that if the illness is treated, then the symptoms resolve. But often, while the thoughts themselves go away, the trauma can go unrecognized, untreated, and underground.

Are You Asking Your Meds to do All the Work?

Where is my magic pill? They say it takes a while to find the right medication, you just have to stick with it.

But for how long? How many chemistry experiments? When? WHEN will my bipolar get fixed?

This was me, resisting therapy, resisting exercise, resisting every other suggestion my doctor made. Alas, here are the pills that finally did the trick:

Pills are not enough.

What Happened to My Bipolar Brain and How Do I Fix It?

The most troublesome statement in Goodwin and Jamison's Manic Depressive Illness may be this: "Complete symptomatic remission does not ensure functional recovery." This is no small problem. For some 30% to 60% of patients with bipolar disorder, simply treating their mood symptoms is not enough to help them return to a full life.

There’s a third pole that needs to be addressed for that to happen: cognitive symptoms. These often persist even when patients are euthymic, and they range from problems with memory and attention to more subtle deficits such as picking up on social cues and making wise decisions. 

Chris Aiken's article, Eight Ways to Improve Cognition in Bipolar Disorder, opens with these paragraphs. Ironically, what Aiken calls troublesome, I find immensely reassuring. My experiences are real!

What People with Depression Need to Hear

Depression is one tough condition. Contrary to those cheery ads on tv and friends who want you to get over it, it is not easy to recover. Doctors also, in their eagerness to get you to do something that will help, sometimes oversell their solutions.

Chris Aiken's recent article in Psychiatric Times presents a more helpful picture.

Five Things to Say to People with Depression

You can expect, and do deserve, a full recovery. Aiken's point is that people with depression have a hard time believing we will ever feel any differently. (This is true. Boy, is this true.) Nevertheless, chances are, we will feel better. There is a rub here however. Most people get to full recovery, not all. As a patient, I'd like to hear up front that even if it comes back, chances are that things will get better again. So many of us feel like failures when depression recurs, when actually both remission and recurrence are part of the natural course of the illness.

Six Ways to Heal the Holes in Your Head


Do you ever feel like you have holes in your head? Actually, you do. Ventricles are the spaces between the grey matter (brain cells) and white matter (wiring that connects the brain cells) in your brain. Depressive episodes, manic episodes, and psychosis all burn up brain tissue, leading to bigger ventricles. (Image: Effects of Western diet on the brain. See companion image, Effects of Mediterranean diet below.)

This loss of brain cells hits the hippocampus (in charge of memory and emotion regulation) particularly hard. In the early years after my last mental health crisis, I talked about my “Swiss cheese brain.” At my worst, I lost bills, I lost words, I lost everything my wife said to me on the way out the door in the morning. She took to writing down what I said I would do before she got home, never more than two items.

I lost the list.

Giving Thanks for Ellen Frank

If you can manage one, just one self-care exercise for bipolar, make it a regular sleep schedule. This week I am thankful I found Ellen Frank and IPSRT, Interpersonal Social Rhythms Therapy.

IPSRT in a nutshell: people with bipolar have a wonky internal clock. The hormones that regulate everything from when we are alert to when we are hungry to when we are cold are governed by an internal clock. When that clock sproings a spring, so do we. Bipolar is like jet lag on a daily basis.

There are a number of events that set and reset the clock throughout the day. If you have a wonky clock, you can reduce the damage it does by making sure these events happen the same time every day. That is the Social Rhythms part. The Interpersonal part is plain old therapy, focussing on whatever issues prevent you from protecting your clock.

Keeping this clock set correctly is the single most effective strategy for maintaining good sleep patterns. And sleep patterns are almost the whole show. Disruptions cause cascading effects: increased inflammation, cognitive difficulties, irritability, emotional lability, depression, hypomania, mania, all three, weight gain... Somebody has probably written the book. I will write the testimonial, that when my sleep is in order, so am I. Ellen Frank focussed my attention on that #1 strategy. When the meds didn't work, she saved my butt.

Several years ago, I wrote the more detailed version of IPSRT in a review of Frank's Treating Bipolar Disorder, three posts to explain the theory and one summary review. So here it is reposted, with links to the earlier posts within it. 

Treating Bipolar Disorder Part IV -- Summing Up
May 4, 2011

Intending to review Ellen Frank's Treating Bipolar Disorder,  I spent most of April describing the treatment itself, Interpersonal Social Rhythms Therapy, IPSRT.

Part I laid the foundation in work done on the relationship between circadian rhythms (our interior physiological clocks) and mood disorders.

Part II outlined Frank's Social Zeitgeber Theory and the treatment that proceeds logically from it, a process of establishing regular daily rhythms that set our interior clocks and keep them running on time.  (Zeitgeber means timekeeper.)

Part III explained how work on interpersonal issues helps people reduce stressors and prevent disruptions to their social rhythms.

This last post will pull together my appreciation, my reservations and my hopes for future directions.

Social Zeitgeber Theory

Frank builds IPSRT on the theory that people with bipolar are more vulnerable than others to disruptions in our circadian rhythms.  When our interior clocks get screwed up, we do, too.  Daily events, like getting up at a certain time, seeing people, going to work, set our circadian rhythms.  The core of the therapy is to help keep our rhythms regular.

The best brilliant part of Treating Bipolar Disorder is this theory.

A good theory accounts for as much of the data as possible, and then provides a way to solve problems.

The old theory is bipolar is a chemical imbalance in the brain.  The advantages of the old theory is that it is simple, it suggests a way to solve the problem, and it is earning the pharmaceutical companies billions and billions of dollars.  The disadvantages are that decades after it was first offered, it has offered false hope and subsequent despair to millions of sufferers, focused blame on those who won't take the drugs that make them sick and/or don't work, and for a majority of people who receive the best pharmacotherapy possible, simply failed to fix the problem.  It also neglects a lot of data.

The chemical imbalance theory comes from the data of clinical experiments -- that symptoms go away when you change the chemical stew.  Or at least, they go away enough to get FDA approval for marketing claims.  It does explain a piece of the puzzle.

But another set of data has to do with what was going on before the symptoms developed.  Frank and company turn to circadian rhythms to account for how the chemical imbalance developed.  And here there is a wealth of data.  For example, study of circadian rhythms reveals that lack of sleep causes depression as often as it is caused by depression.  This suggests a whole other way to solve problems.

Treating Bipolar Disorder documents this evidence in support of the theory.  Most of the book then describes the therapy that derives from the theory.

People With Bipolar Who Are Doing Well

The Social Zeitgeber Theory accounts for the data of those with bipolar disorder who are managing their symptoms, working, thriving over the long haul.  There are almost no studies done from this angle -- what people are doing to stay well.  John McManamy reports on two of these studies at mcmanweb.com.  Healthy lifestyle is the top strategy for these people, particularly maintaining good sleep.  Most, 85% take medication, but do not make medication the center of their self-care.  None rely entirely on medication to stay healthy.

Medication, Medication, Medication

My chief reservation about the book has to do with its assumptions about medication.

Let me put it this way.  It is a bold move to list the uses of specific medications in a hard copy printed published book.  Chances are that such a book will report positively on a medication for which the manufacturer then settles a class action suit in the same year as publication.  Zyprexa/olazapine is just one example of how quickly the chapter's information became debatable and/or dated.

Frank assumes that IPSRT is an add-on to pharmacotherapy.  She notes that lithium, the miracle drug that was supposed to have solved the problem of bipolar has turned out not to have done so in near as many cases as people think.  She acknowledges that there are problems with side effects and efficacy for anything that is currently in use.  But just barely.

Unfortunately, it is only a minority of patients with bipolar disorder who can comfortably take the medications that seem to control the symptoms of the illness and who are willing to submit to this control.  Especially early in the course of the illness, before it has wrought complete havoc in the patient's life, there is denial that there is anything permanently wrong and a longing for the highs that the medications take away.

Yup.  There it is.  Ellen Frank, too.  They miss their highs.  I won't go there right now.  It's just too tiresome.  But stay tuned...

Frank continues the clinicians' tradition of oversell.  She considers whether a clinician should refuse to work with a person who has bipolar I and does not take medication.  Her recommendation is that the work might proceed anyway, with the goal of revisiting the issue at every opportunity until the patient finally does take meds,and holding open the possibility that treatment may be terminated if the clinician concludes that he/she cannot accept responsibility for somebody who is not on meds.

Okay, on a positive note, Frank pays more attention to side effects than other clinicians, repeatedly urging that the therapist and prescribing clinician work in partnership, and that medication problems be addressed.

On a very positive note, Frank spends a lot of ink on the issue that people with bipolar I or II spend way more time depressed than manic and hypomanic.  And our depressions are far and away the part of the illness that disables us.

Can We Ever Crack This Medication Nut?

This medication debate never seems to get anywhere.  Like abortion or the Palestinian issue in US politics, nuance is not allowed.  You're either pro-med or anti-psychiatry.  And I can feel myself drawn into the blogosphere's quicksand.  So let me do the down and dirty on Frank's position and get out of here.

Frank's assumption that everybody who has bipolar I and not on meds is a trainwreck waiting to happen -- maybe that is a necessary evil to maintain her professional credibility; maybe more of the usual professional wishful thinking: I call it disappointing.


Frank's repetition of the old they miss their highs thing: I call it tiresome.



Frank's concern to take side effects seriously and her criticism of the standard practice of medicating people with bipolar into a permanent state of mild depression, treating anything approaching a normal feel-good state as a danger sign of impending mania: I call that refreshing. 

Clinical Language Alert

I have spent the last several years reading books and articles written not for me, but about me.  It is a perilous business.  Prozac Monologue readers occasionally are on the receiving end of my efforts to manage the consequences of this endeavor.  It is getting less perilous, as I learn some skills, the first of which is simply to acknowledge the intended audience.  So...

Treating Bipolar Disorder is written for clinicians and about people with bipolar.  I am not a clinician; I am a person with bipolar.  Therefore, Treating Bipolar Disorder is not for me; it is about me.

If you are like me, you need to take this into account when reading this book.

Having said that, this book is less perilous than others.

Yes, there are a couple bumps in the road: the bipolar temperament, the attitude of entitlement and they miss their highs.  For the record, Frank never uses those exact words.  Her exact words are above.

On the other hand, this book is exceptional in its tone of respect and genuine partnership between clinician and patient.  Absolutely exceptional.  Props to Ellen Frank.

The Future Of IPSRT

Like I said, this book was written for clinicians, who are addressed directly.  It was not written for people who have bipolar disorder, nor for a general audience.  There is no book, no pamphlet, no article, no website, no youtube that describes IPSRT for a general audience.  Prozac Monologues is as close as you get.  Not enough for a do-it-yourself-er.  But a start.

At this point, getting access to this therapy would be a trick.  If you use one of those Find a Therapist websites and actually do find one in your area whose interests include bipolar, you are still likely to get the response I got, The way to treat bipolar is with medication.

Frank and company keep track of those they have trained.  She says maybe she should develop a website.  A lot of people think maybe they should develop a website.  Most of them have many other things to do.  I wouldn't hold my breath.  I would write her directly and ask.  And then come up with a do-it-yourself strategy.  I have one outlined below.

Frank has the support of NIMH's STEP-BD study giving IPSRT the magic label of evidence-based.  So she has a therapy, a book, a training.  And 5,700,000 people who could benefit from this treatment.  She needs to develop the market for her training the same way pharmaceutical companies develop their markets -- go directly to us 5,700,000 people with bipolar.

There's a whole world of people out here who get our mental health care from Facebook friends and [Name Your Diagnosis and/or Treatment] for Dummies.  We need an IPSRT for Dummies.  We need a workbook.  Once we get started, we'll ask for help, and our care providers might get interested.

Here is my story: The meds don't work.  I have been stalled in Cognitive Therapy for some co-morbid trauma issues.  I don't have the capacity to interview a bunch of therapists who might deal with my bipolar, even if I could find them.  I lose my voice when I talk with therapists -- back to those trauma issues.  So I went back to my CBT therapist.  We are renegotiating to do more interpersonal work and I am experimenting on my own SRT/Mood Chart.  I will do the SRT part on my own.  My therapist and I can talk about my grief for the formerly healthy self.

You have to really have it together to do therapy this way.  I am not starting from a position of crisis.  I have good insurance and a lot of resources.  My wife tells me, if I have lost half of my cognitive functioning, that still makes me smarter than 80% of the people in the room.

So this might work for me and maybe another 100,000 high functioners out there.  5,600,000 more to go.

On July 14, 1990 Ellen Frank knew with absolute certainty that [she] needed to dedicate the next decade of [her] life to doing better by these patients and family members.  It was a decade well spent.  And then another.  I hope she keeps going into the third.

Last Words

If you are a person living with bipolar disorder, cut the author a break for the inevitable mental health provider mentality.  The medication issue is a minor, minor piece of an otherwise helpful, hopeful book.

Treating Bipolar Disorder offers hope.  Read it.  Talk to your therapist about it.  Get yourself a schedule that includes enough sleep at a regular time each day.  Talk with your therapist about whatever keeps you from doing that.

If you are a therapist, read this book.  Give its techniques a try.  If they help somebody, don't you need some CEU's?

If you are a doctor, read this book.  Stop promising more from meds than meds can deliver.  There is more help out there for your patients.  Help us find it.

If you are Ellen Frank, get this stuff out to those of us who can't find or afford a therapist whom you have trained.  And God bless you.

photo of clockworks by HNH and used under the Creative CommonsAttribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license
flair from facebook
caution sign by RTCNCA and used under the GNU Free Documentation License,

Spiritual Practices for the Dark Night - Giving Thanks. Again.

This post transitions from a month dedicated to PsychiatricTimes.com  to a month dedicated to gratitude. In short, I am grateful for Psychiatric Times. When I needed to figure out what the hell happened to my brain and how do I fix it, this online magazine for psychiatrists and other mental health professionals began my slow, steady self-education with its research reports, book reviews, philosophical discussions and occasional rants.

Mmm, sort of like Prozac Monologues: information, provocation, entertainment, and an occasional rant. That's how Google describes this blog. What do you think?

In the month of November, I will write posts about other resources and people for whom I am grateful. Today I repeat a post from ten years ago, part of a series on Spiritual Practices for the Dark Night. Those were dark nights, indeed, for me. These days, I think they are dark nights for everybody. But I digress...

Demi Lovato -- Bipolar Warrior

The news story caught my ear.  I don't usually follow celebrity news.  But I had just read an article about Demi Lovato in a NAMI magazine.  I listened for some report of who she is and what she represents.  I wondered about a recent depression, a suicide attempt, perhaps.

Nope, not a word.  Celebrity drug overdose.  That's the story.  I swear they wrote this story thirty years ago, periodically pull up the file, change the name, and post.

She deserves better.  I'll just have to write my own post.

Lovato has long been open about her mental illnesses, bipolar, bulimia, self harm, drug abuse, and alcoholism.  Her celebrity as a pop star is significant to the story in one way.  It has given her a voice to advocate for those who have no voice.

Celebrity is not a risk factor for substance abuse.  But an alcoholic father is.  She has the genetic load to develop the condition.

Celebrity is not a risk factor for substance abuse.  But childhood trauma is.  She was bullied as a child, to the point of resorting to home schooling.

Celebrity is not a risk factor for bipolar, either.  But substance abuse and bipolar do often go together.  56% of people with bipolar struggle with addiction.  Why so many?  There are three potential explanations:

Stages of Change for Weight Loss Revisited

How embarrassing.  I clicked on the link to an old post which is getting a lot of hits this week.  It's all about how diets don't work.  And I found four ads about weight loss.

Okay, maybe there is helpful information in those ads.  I hope so, because I put ads on my site to give you resources beyond what my poor brain can contrive. But I don't know, because I get paid by how often somebody looks at them, and the contract says I am not allowed to look at them myself.  I am also not allowed to encourage you to look at them.  That's up to you.  Never mind.

Hearts Beat As One

It is common knowledge that we can slow our heart rate by slowing our breathing. Breathe is arguably the most important tool in the whole recovery toolbox for relieving stress and staying in the here and now. The folks in Sweden have taken this data a step further, into building community for common action.

Having taken a leave of absence just as DSM-5 was published, I have a backlog of posts on diagnosis to write. But let's break it up, shall we? This one gets filed under both recovery and political action.

It would take researchers from outside of the United States to think of examining the physiology of a group activity. Swedes, with their solid background in hymn singing, did just that, using group singing as a stand-in for group action.

Rx for Joy - Joanne Shortell

Joanne Shortell took me up on my call for guest bloggers.  I am glad she did, as I learned of a blogger and mental health advocate I'd like to introduce to you.  Joanne has three websites.  Strongly Bipolar is a blog similar to Prozac Monologues.  Maevetour.blogspot.com/ is the source of the following piece.  And Servicepoodle.com gives more information about the issue it discusses.  

Rx for Joy Can Be Written by any Therapist in the U.S.


My current therapist is a nurse practitioner who can prescribe psychiatric drugs.  My previous therapist was an MSW who could not.  Both, however, could write a prescription for an emotional support animal (ESA).  A short, simple letter (see sample below) from a doctor (any medical doctor, not just a psychiatrist) or any therapist will allow a person with a psychiatric disability or a chronic pain condition to have pets in no-pets housing, to avoid any pet deposit or pet fee, and to avoid size limitations or species restrictions.  The person with the disability gives this to their landlord or co-op/condo board as a request for a reasonable accommodation.  (See link: How to Get an Emotional Support Animal.

Why should I prescribe ESAs?

Jill Bolte Taylor's Stroke of Insight



Dr. Bolte Taylor's story is told in greater detail, both her stroke and her recovery in her book.  You can link to it in the column to the left under Fabulous Books.

Fabulous People With Schizophrenia

People With Schizophrenia Who Recover

My guess is you don't know people with schizophrenia who have jobs, own their homes, are married and join clubs and congregations.  My guess is, even if you work in the field or volunteer in homeless shelters, you do not count among your friends, your real friends, the ones you invite to your house for dinner, anybody with schizophrenia.

My guess is you do not know that such a thing is possible.

Lionel Aldridge decided to change that.  Lionel Aldridge played defense for the Green Bay Packers and won two Super Bowl rings.  (Go Cheeseheads!)  He lost them when schizophrenia took his life out of control.  Literally, his ring fell off his hand; he couldn't find it in the gutter.

But he came back.  He got treatment.  He vowed that if he got better, he would not remain silent, so that other people with schizophrenia would know they are not alone, so they would know they could recover, and so you would know that, too.  His story is in this link.

Inductive Research

Ring The Bells That Still Can Ring

Liturgical Christians, Catholics, Lutherans, Episcopalians keep a season called Advent, four weeks before Christmas.  It is a difficult practice, because it calls us to be thoughtful.  Thoughtful?!  You mean making a list and checking it twice?  No.  Advent is a time to acknowledge the truth that we hide from, behind our shopping lists and party schedules, the truth of emptiness and brokenness, in ourselves and in the world.  We are surrounded by Ho Ho Ho.  Advent says Hmm.

Advent says, Yes we will rejoice, because the baby, The Baby is born.  And yet.  And yet...

This has been a hard week.  Our defenses against the darkness have been found wanting.  And yet.  And yet...



More on Mood Charts

This is my personalized mood chart.


You can find a larger and clearer image here. It was inspired by the one my mental health insurance provider sent me when I began taking mood stabilizers. Last week I described how their chart works and how people with mood disorders benefit from using any of the great variety out there.

Cigna's chart primarily tracks mood. Using theirs, I learned that lamotrigine made a difference to the course of my symptoms. After years of inappropriate prescriptions of antidepressants, I had moved to rapid cycling. No, rapid cycling means several cycles in a year. More like, I was spinning, from the depths of depression to raging agitation within each week, week after week. Lamotrigine did modify that pattern. It stretched the cycles, down from four to two a month. By recording the pattern, eventually I concluded, and I had the evidence to support it to my doctor, that the costs of the medication (dizziness, fourteen hours of sleep and grogginess a day, losing words) outweighed the benefits.

More Than Mood

But Cigna's chart was missing vital information. Mood dysregulation was only part of my experience. It was the agitation, sense of urgency, poor concentration, lack of sleep that put me on the disability roles. And, I began to suspect, these disturbances in energy levels were driving my suicidal thoughts as much as my depression was.

Hope for a Cure? Or Not?

But we have to keep hoping for a cure, don't we?

I spent six months preparing a power point presentation on stages of recovery and fifty minutes delivering it.  My co-presenters and I described the misery of the Chemistry Experiment, and the hope offered by other interventions that harness the brain's capacity to heal itself.  Medicine is a piece of the answer, but just not inadequate to carry the whole load of healing.

But DNA operates even deeper in an organization than in an individual.  NAMI was born out of the medical model, when parents who had been wrongly accused of causing their children's illness pushed back and insisted on their innocence.  Mental illness is not caused by distant fathers and overprotective mothers.  Mental illness is a physical illness.

Yes it is.  Whether it arises from chemistry, wiring or structure, it is an illness in the brain, a physical organ, inside a body.

Well, it was a short jump from that insight to the search for a cure, a medical cure.  Because that is what medicine does, it cures physical illness, right?

So there was that question, the NAMI parent's quest for a cure, in response to all our elegant talk about Recovery, the NAMI peer's quest for a life worth living.  Forget Recovery. Don't we have to keep hoping for a cure?

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